A friend of mine passed along an All Sons and Daughters CD to me a couple of weeks ago. I. LOVE. IT. I have had this one song on repeat since getting my hands on it. It has literally given me new vision for this journey that Dru and I are on right now.
I am fully aware that I am a completely different person than I was 2, 3, or even 4 years ago. Marriage, work, new/old friendship, but most of all, infertility has changed me. I am a new creation, a new person. I do not know why the Lord has me walking this path, but I will finish well. Don't get me wrong, I feel like I'm in the trenches pretty much everyday....every time I see a woman pregnant or holding a baby, every time I get invited to yet another baby shower, every time another friend tells me they are expecting. BUT, I have HOPE and HE has Called Me Higher. He has called me to be someone I never thought I could be. Not everyone can say that, not everyone can say that they've got through something so difficult that you ache from pain constantly. The pain that you feel is something that can not be explained or defined. I know there is a purpose for this. I know that the Lord is Sovereign, Compassionate, my Father, Redeemer, Healer, Comforter, and Friend.
I am so grateful that I am not sitting and waiting, I am letting the Lord change me. I am letting the Lord mold me and prepare me to be the best mom I can be. I am willing to let go of my desires and what I thought my life should look like. I am willing to let go of my timeline (that's a toughy). I LOVE a plan and I LOVE to know exactly what's happening and when it's happening. The Lord has literally slapped me in the face with that one.
"Hey Kailey, by the way, you aren't in charge."
Here are the lyrics and the video so you can listen to the song. If you listen to it, stop doing whatever you are doing. Just sit and listen. Let it really sink it. The Lord will reveal to you how He wants to call YOU higher! Let Him! His plan exceeds anything we can think or imagine!
"Called Me Higher"
All Sons and Daughters
I could just sit
I could just sit and wait for all your goodness
Hope to feel your presence
And I could just stay
I could just stay right where I am and hope to feel you
Hope to feel something again
And I could hold on
I could hold on to who I am and never let You change me from the inside
And I could be safe
I could be safe here in Your arms and never leave home