HIS plan, not mine

Hello there!

Can I just say how excited I am that we made this decision to take a break? Literally just the past three days have made a huge difference in my heart and mind. Dru and I have decided to take May & June off of procedures and meds. I think it's honestly the really really good decision for us right now. I actually cancelled my appt set for tomorrow. I really don't even want a plan.... yes, you read that right... Kailey doesn't want a plan? Ha! I know, what is wrong with me? I'll tell you what's wrong with me....The Lord is drawing me near to Him. He is speaking more and more to me about relying on Him during this season and following His plan, not mine. I am going to be taking a hiatus from blogging amongst other social media things the month of May. Also, during the month of May I will be doing a weight loss program called, Medifast. I am so very excited to get my body back to the way it's suppose to look... BHAHAHAHA! It's been a while, my friends, it's been a while. But, it's time to get it together, especially since our fam beach trip is coming up. I also just want to feel good again. 

I will leave you with ways that you can pray for Dru and me over the next month or so. 

Thank you so much for hanging in there with us during the very trying and difficult season.

Please pray that I/we would:  

• Draw near to the Lord during this time and to each other. 
• Be able to hear the Lord's voice very clearly. 
• Have clear direction as to what is next in this journey. 
• Discipline ourselves to dive into His Word and trust Him. 
• Discipline myself to lose weight and feel good again. 
• Be satisfied in our love for each other and our family of 2.
• Be REFRESHED!! 

Much love to each of you! Have a fabulous Sunday! :) 

KB

and.... BREAK!

 I got a much needed mani/pedi this afternoon.... LOVE the new colors! :) #veryrelaxing #neededthat

 And now the disappointing news. IUI #3 did not work. I'm not pregnant, again. Bummer, I know. Myself, along with many others, really thought this was it. It's so difficult to NOT think it's not it. 

I found this quote somewhere on Instagram. It is so very important to me that I try my very best to keep this type of attitude. A thankful attitude. Am I going to be sad? Yes. 

Am I going to be disappointed? Most definitely. 

Am I going to cry? Oh yes. 

BUT!

Is God still God? YES!

Is He still in control? YES!

Does He only want the best for me? YES! 

That is what I'm going to focus on. 

If God has said, "No" to you, THANK HIM! He wants nothing but the BEST for his kids! 

What's next, you ask... 

Like I said before, Dru and I are definitely taking a break this cycle, maybe even two cycles. We have an appt with our RE for Monday, April 29th. We can either go ahead with the appt or wait until about 2 weeks before we want to start meds/procedures again. I think we will probably go ahead and meet this Monday to get a plan for the next time we dive in. 

My RE called today and because of my progesterone levels, he wants to double my dosage of clomid next time from 50mg to 100mg. That means I would be taking two a day. I am thinking that we will figure out how much insurance will cover with the injectables and then go from there. My nurse said that without insurance they are around $1,500. Needless to say, if insurance doesn't cover them, we will need to save up for them. 

We are taking this break for many reasons. 

I love a list, so here it goes. 

1. My body needs some time to get back to normal. 

2. I need to lose weight; it's gotten out of control. 

3. I am emotionally drained. 

4. I need to refocus my heart and my attention on Jesus.

5. May is going to be cray-cray {in a good way!} We've got tons of stuff going on! 

I will most likely be stepping away from social media amongst other things to get refocused, but I'll be figuring that out over the next few days. I need to spend some time with Jesus and just be near Him. I need Him. period. 

Thanks for reading this really long post. You people rock. 

KB

fifteen smifteen

I got my progesterone results this afternoon. It was 7.66, which made me question my nurse. She was very reassuring that I did ovulate. She said even though my RE says it needs to be a 15, she said that anything above a 5 means ovulation. 

Of course, after I got off the phone, I almost broke down into tears, BUT... then I heard the Holy Spirit speak directly to my heart....

GOD IS BIGGER. 

PERIOD. 

I'll end with that 

{because nothing else really matters!}

And the TWW begins...

I had every intention of posting last night, but I was too busy hanging with a sweet friend! I was able to snap a few shots to document my day, which started well, got a little rocky, but ended extremely well! :) 

It all started on the ride there when I received a call that my fav nurse called in and said she wasn't going to make it! I was not a happy camper, but like most of the time, my amazing hubs calmed me down. 

This song came on Pandora while I was driving and I just started crying. Even in the middle of all my doubt and confusion the Lord is THERE. He is in the midst of all this pain and hurt. He is helping me a long and speaking truth to me the entire time. I just have to listen. That's sometimes the hard part. I don't know why, but it's easier for some reason to listen and believe the negative stuff. Add this to the list of things I'm working on :) 

I also got sweet texts throughout the day, along with encouraging quotes and verses! Y'all are legit. 

This would be my hubs. He was saying that he didn't want to smile. Well too bad, crazy pants, I'm taking your picture! :) 

Here we go! IUI #3... Hopefully, three's a charm :) 

After the IUI, I met of with my sweet friend, Nikki. We actually went to elementary school together, but reconnected like 5 years ago. The Lord has brought us really close because of the journey that we share. So thankful for her. 

That's it. It was a pretty awesome day. I am busy finding distractions for the next two weeks. I'm planning a shower this weekend and going to a wedding next weekend, so hopefully that will do the trick! {YEAH, RIGHT!!!} 

Holler at ya.

KB

Game on!

I got a smiley face today at 11 a.m. and my IUI is scheduled for 8 a.m. in the morning. Dru is in another city so we are meeting in Birmingham. HA! That just cracks me up... I mean, really? I should write a book! 

I am OH so hopeful and very excited. I talked with the receptionist today and requested the nurse that I had the first time because I didn't have such a great experience last time. She texted me and said that she WILL be there! YAY! I also am having major ovulation pain, which I was assured was a GOOD thing. 

I am obviously taking off work tomorrow, but will head back in teach my school babies on Wednesday. I will head back after the procedure and take it easy the rest of the day and night. 

Even though I'm so hopeful that this IUI results in a baby, my HOPE is in Jesus. That's all the Lord is asking of me! 

Keep Hoping & prayers appreciated! 

KB

12,000... Do whaaaat???

Yes, my blog has had over 12,000 views. I'm in shock. I am so honored that so many people are reading about our journey {and our lives}. When I started blogging about our journey in January, I only had like 15 followers and about 1,000 page views. HA! That's so amazing. 

I seriously can't say it enough, thank you. Thank you for the prayers, texts, and comments! 

Now, for an update: 

I am on CD 16 and I haven't seen a smiley face yet. I was predicting I'd see it today, but I did not. I had everything ready for a sub tomorrow, too. Oh well. Tomorrow will be CD 17, which is the cycle day I got a smiley face for our first IUI cycle. 

I am, of course, very cautious about getting my hopes up. I was reading the blog of a fellow infertility blogger and she mentioned that it's so difficult to be hopeful yet, realistic. You just don't want your hopes to be crushed again. 

Once again, I have HOPE even if there's not a baby in my belly. I am challenged every day to remember this and stand on that HOPE. 

Thanks for reading and I hope you have a fabulous week! 

KB

promised update

Hey frands!!! 

I hope all is well with everyone and that your Monday was a great start to the work week! I was very pleasantly surprised at how well my day went considering that my school babies haven't used their brains in a week! Ha! They seemed to be happy to be back, but not so happy about TEST PREP! Sorry, guys, that's just part of life :) 

Okay, so back to the most important topic: I want a baby in my belly. Me? Yes! I know you're shocked! 

I am CD 10 which means I started testing using the OPKs today! {I seriously should buy stock in this crap.} I gave my RE's office a call to let them know that I started testing... Homegirl was like... "Did you pick up your OPKs? Make sure you test between 11 and 2..." Honey, I got this! Third time is a charm :) 

Prayer request: Two cycles ago I got a smiley face on CD 17, last cycle it was CD 15, so there's really no way to predict the exact date. That being said, I really need some prayers that I would see a smiley on Friday or Sunday, NOT SATURDAY! I mean, ya know, my husband kinda needs to be at church on Sunday.. he's kinda a big deal :) I know I will be totally fine in the long run if we do not get to do the IUI, but I really don't want the clomid to have been for nothing. 

Speaking of clomid... Can you say... HOT FLASHES!!!! I am having hot flashes like every 15 to 20 minutes. It seriously feels like I am at the beach and it's 100 degrees!!! I didn't experience them the previous cycles, so this is a little unusual for me. Plus, I am already pretty hot natured. Oh well. 

This e-card should make you laugh, I certainly did.

In other news... Dru and I have decided to take a break next month before we start the injectables, which I am very excited about. My body needs a bit of a break. The clomid is really kicking my booty, BUT don't get me wrong, it's definitely worth it for a sweet baby! {Hopefully we will be preg this time & we won't have to worry about it, but ya know, Kailey has gotta have a plan.} 

Well, here's to another cycle. 

Have a happy Tuesday! 

KB

Round 2: Progesterone results

My OB nurse called yesterday and my RE nurse called today :) (Feeling loved!) They both sounded very excited to tell me my results...

My progesterone was at a 15.9, which is a great number! My RE said that we should see at least a 15, especially taking clomid. My RE nurse said that I can test this Friday. For the first time, in over a year, I actually want to take a pregnancy test. I bought some tests today and I feel like they are over there laughing at me. I'll do my best to wait until Friday, but I might not make it. Either way, pregnant or not, I probably won't blog for a little while. I am on spring break next week and I'm thinking about taking a bit of a break from media. 

Much love to each of you! Have a great night :) 

KB

Whirlwind

Most of this infertility stuff will throw "your" plans off track. Needless to say, it kinda takes a front seat to pretty much everything else. 

{Not complaining, that's just fact!} With that being said, Friday was a little crazy.

I went in to my OB's office at 8 a.m. on Friday {3-15-13} to get my blood taken to test my progesterone level. My sweet friend {& a 4th grade teacher} was able to get my kids and start Math until I could get back to the school. She has an intern, which is a total blessing considering that I had to go between 8 and 12. So blessed by my co-workers. They are truly a blessing to me everyday. 

I will give my OB's office a call on Monday to request that my results be sent to my RE immediately. Of course, I would also like to know them :) 

I also keep forgetting to ask about my AMH test results. I'm hoping that since I haven't heard from them they are normal, but unfortunately, that might not be the case. 

Here are my stats! :) 

CD 23

8DPO

7DPIUI

According to my ever-so-awesome app, George is not expected for another 9 days. I have a feeling that if he is coming, it will be before the 9 day mark. Once again, I will not test, I will just wait it out. We shall see! 

It's gorgeous in Auburn, AL today! Go outside and get you some vitamin D! :)

KB

post IUI #2

Hey there... 

The IUI went well this morning. 

There were two other couples there this morning and it was just us in the waiting room. 

A little awkward... :) 

They open up the office just for the couples that call the day before with positive OPKs. 

I am at home now, resting. I plan to chill it out today and tomorrow because of the procedure and because I'm still sick. 

Thanks so much for the prayers, texts, and comments! 

I am so grateful for each of you. 

KB

100th post & smiley face #2

It's amazing how happy I get when I see that smiley face. It gives me even more hope that this might actually happen this cycle! I tested at 11:00 this morning and totally didn't think that it was going going to happen this early. I gave my RE a call and we go in at 8 a.m. in the morning, but the actual procedure probably won't happen until around 10 a.m. Please hope and pray with us that this will be our time! #soexcited #sohopeful 

Much love!

KB 

RE visit #2

I'll just start off by saying that this trip, I went with a notebook, pen, and {tons of} questions. 

Dr. S entered the room singing my name which was very amusing and definitely lightened the mood. We started off the appt talking and catching up on what last cycle entailed.

Here are some conclusions/questions/thoughts about where we are and where we are going: 

• I am on CD 3 and will take clomid until CD 6 (just like last cycle.)
• I will not have an ultrasound because Dr. S said that it is not necessary to have one to become pregnant. 
• Endometriosis - As far as I know, yes, I do have endo, but not sure what stage. We had long discussion about what exactly causes endo, heavy periods, if they are related... etc. It was very interesting because I've been reading so many blogs and information related to it. I was definitely intrigued, but unfortunately, we did not solve all of the endo related issues. He did say that if my George pain continues to be extremely painful that he would consider doing another laparoscopy. 
• Shots - after I try 2 more rounds of clomid/IUI we will start shots. 
• Progesterone levels - I posted about my results from Feb. 18th, which were about 3 days later than I was suppose to have it done. The results were 4.54 and that was not awesome. He said that typically a woman that is taking clomid should see at least a 15 on the progesterone test. He said that this cycle I definitely need to have it done a week after the IUI. Yes sir, yes sir! 
• Also, we talked about progesterone supplements... that's a no-go in my situation right now because he said it would just raise my numbers to make it "look" like I ovulated well. Totally not beneficial for me. 
• My LH surge when I went in for the IUI was 29, which was great. Progesterone was 1.03, which was normal too. 
• AMH test - I did get my blood drawn again. {Imagine that!} This time he tested my AMH levels. This could tell if I have DOR (diminished ovarian reserve). This is something that you prayer warriors need to be praying against. Please! 

Okay, I think that's all for now. Btw, Dr. S LOVED that I brought a notebook with questions. He took it from me and went one by one and we discussed each one. {The teacher in me was elated!} I love a notebook :) 

As always, thanks for loving and praying for us. 

KB

New cycle, New hope

It has been a fabulously relaxing and refreshing Saturday. I absolutely love spending uninterrupted time with my husband. He is truly my best friend. 

Usually George puts me on the bench, so-to-speak, as far as life goes. I was pretty much out of commission today, but have been taking my meds. They have helped me so much, but I still need that darn heating pad. I really wish I didn't have to rely on them to get through it, but I'll do what I've gotta do. My RE did mention surgery again to remove any endometriosis that is lingering around. Hopefully, I will get prego and not have to do that! 

Today is CD 2, which means that I started clomid today. I will take it until CD 6 (same as last cycle). I have my RE appt on Monday at 3:00 in the afternoon. I was not able to get in touch with my RE's office on Friday, so I just went ahead and starting clomid. I hope that was the right decision. I am going to ask him if there's anything else we can try this cycle to up our chances of conceiving this time! I hope he's got something :) 

I will be leaving my school babies around 11:30 on Monday and I won't see them until Wednesday because I have AMSTI training on Tuesday. They will be in good hands though :) 

Looking forward to church tomorrow! It's our last Sunday in this building... next Sunday we will be in our new building!! :)) So exciting! 

Have a great night :) 

KB

IUI #1

Well, IUI #1 is a bust. George definitely is at the beginning stage of ruining the next week of my life. I knew it was smart of me to not test, I couldn't bare to see the negative results again. I was definitely hopeful, but just had a feeling that it wasn't going to work. I honestly don't know why it's so difficult for me to believe it is actually going to happen one day. 

I was reassured by a sweet friend of mine, that it just might take a couple of times to finally stick. I will say, that I'm looking forward to what my RE says we will do for this next cycle. 

BRING IT ON! 

In the meantime, I will distract myself with changing my reading groups up and looking over data. Oh, the life of a teacher, always something to do. 

P.S. Would appreciate as many prayers as possible. My period has been oh so painful since November. I have to take meds during it to make it bearable. I need peace and I need to know that the Lord hears me. I know He does, good gracious, but sometimes, I just kinda feel like I've prayed the same stuff over and over again for 3 years. 

Much love to you awesome people who keep up with my crazy self on this crazy blog. 

KB

Progesterone Results

Update... GO! 

I called to see if my lab results were in around 3:30, but of course, the nurse was busy so I had to wait to hear back. (Not hating, but I really wanted to know the results!) 

She called back around 5:00 and explained that my OB would have to call me back and explain the other results besides the progesterone. I'm not exactly sure what else they tested, I guess I'll find out tomorrow. 

She told me that my progesterone level was at 4.54, but they wanted it to be a 5. I was totally bummed as soon as I heard that, but she was pretty sure that if I would have gotten the test done last Friday, then it would have shone I did ovulate. I asked if this was related to pregnancy and she said no. That comforted me a little because I was hoping to hear a really high number because that's what I thought it was suppose to be. 

I guess I'll hear from my OB tomorrow and chat with him a little bit. I'll update about those results if it's important enough :) 

I'm pretty sure I've decided to just wait on George and not test. My next RE appt is Monday. If George has not ruined my life, I will take a test when I'm there, but if he did come, then we will plan what's happening on the next cycle. 

Happy Tuesday :) 

****SARA: I do not know how to reply to the comments :) And yes, calling it George is something that I've done since high school. My sweet awesome best friend from high school called it that, so I started calling it that too! :) 

I do not know about increasing or adding progesterone. Why would I have that done? 

fail.

The progesterone test was suppose to happen on Friday, but it didn't because my doc's office was closed. I obviously knew this at some point, but it didn't click that I might need to leave school before 12:00 to get it done. So, needless to say, I spent most of the afternoon very sad about the fact that I missed a blood test I was suppose to have. (Side-note: I'm a rule follower!) I was not a happy camper knowing that I didn't do what I needed to do. I left a message at my RE's office, so I'll hear from them tomorrow. I guess they will let me know if I need to go ahead and get the blood test even though it's not on the "right" day. 

I am now 10dpiui and 11dpo, so now I am just waiting on George. I have had a little cramping and funny pains near ovaries and uterus. I have these pains before George comes, so I can't tell if they point towards pregnancy or not. Only time will tell. I'm gonna try to wait until Saturday to test, don't know if I'll be able to though. Prayers for patience and peace appreciated. 

Much love, 

KB

My First Five for Friday (a day late)

So pumped to join in on the F-U-N! Five for Friday!  

1. We started our Plant Growth and Development Unit this week. Very interesting! Sorry, forgot to snap some pictures. 

2. On Tuesday, I had an amazing time with a dear sweet amazing woman named Susan. I seriously love chatting with her. She is so wise, loving, caring, and LOVES Jesus. What a blast! #hopebloats :) 

3. I finished up my last week of 3 chiro visits... I start with just 2 next week. Feeling great! Highly recommend this place :) 

4. My kid(s) will be on this wall SOON! (believing) 

5. Dream Team Party was last night! Amazing time celebrating the awesome people that serve every week at our church! So many laughs. If I find the video of the songs that they sang, I will definitely post it :) 

Yay for Five for Friday! 

Love, 

KB

And now we wait....

Hi there friends! So today, as you know, was IUI day! Now, I will recap what the day was like because it was so awesome that I feel you need to know all the fabulous details. 

My appt was scheduled for 9:30, so we grabbed some breakfast at CFA around 7:00 and got on the road, Jack! 

Very unlike my husband, but we didn't listen to music the whole time. We caught up on life, what we were feeling, and talked about the future a little bit. It was really nice and refreshing. 

I've read a ton of blogs and listen to experiences others have had with IUIs so I had some expectations, but I also didn't know if my doc would do things a little differently. 

We went directly back to the lab, of course, they took more of my blood and the husb did his part (ya know what I mean, so I'm not going to in to details). They told us it would take about 1 hour to "wash" them up, so we took off! 

Where else? A coffee shop! Our friend is opening a new coffee shop up there in about a week, so we went to check it out. He also made us a little latte, which was delish! 

We got back to the doc office and waited for a little bit. At this point, I was feeling very anxious, because I didn't know how it was going to feel... was it going to hurt? would it be like a pinch? would it not hurt at all? Ah! I was like just do it already! 

Then... A woman walks in... I was thinking.. Uh... where's my doctor?? She seemed to know what she was doing so I just rolled with it. At first, I thought the doc would come in a little bit, but that didn't happen. She told showed up the sperm and they were PINK.. of course, she said, well that means that y'all are gonna have a girl... we looked at each like... um what are you talking about? It was a good time. She said the the sperm count was awesome..wayyy over the "normal" number. I definitely gave the husb a fist bump at this point. Way to go, baby! HA! She also said my CM was lookin' good. 

Then, we got started. We were all talking and next thing I knew, she was done! Didn't feel a thing! Easy peasy! I laid there for about 15 min (just to be on the safe side). She said to go about my normal routine and I was thinking.. Are you sure? Don't I need to lay on my back for the next two weeks??? I just feel like I shouldn't do anything until I'm able to take a test. Maybe I'll just stay home all week :) 

I did lay down in the backseat, just to give the spermies some extra help. :) 

I'm feeling really good, but I do feel some cramping. I have all sorts of emotions going on. I do know that there is a chance that this will not work, and it's hard to be extremely excited (but I sooo am!!) 

I am so painfully aware of how far we've come and what it could take to become pregnant. This is going to the longest 2 weeks of my LIFE! I've been through this wait 24+ times, but I've never had a reason to believe it would actually work. So, here's to waiting. Cheers. 

And for your half time entertainment... some pictures. 

 My super fine husb! 

Delish coffee! 

laying down in the back seat :) 

2013, let's do this! 

#believe #hopeful #pleaseLord

Have a great weekend! :) 

finally.

OPK testing begins tomorrow. It's finally CD 10! Gosh, this cycle is going by SOOOO slow!! I guess that's the way it goes when you are waiting and hoping for something to happen. 

I will also call my RE tomorrow to make sure I understand what I'm suppose to do. I am pretty sure I've got this under control, I mean after all, I have been doing these test for over 2 years, on and off! :) When I see a smiley face, I'll call, and we will go in the next day for the IUI! Ahhh! The excitement is very hard to contain, but Dru and I were talking and even though we are excited, we have to be realistic... it might not work. I know, hate to be a debbie downer, but that's just the way this nasty roller coaster rolls. (hehe)

Just a heads up... when I do update that we are going in for the IUI, please call on the Lord to answer our prayers! Please join with us! 

Love to each of you and thanks for reading :) 

KB