It's Fall Y'all!

To say I've neglected this blog is an understatement. I really really miss writing on here, but life is just packed out. I have so many things that I think.. "Man, I really want to write about that" but then I don't. Bad, Kailey! 

*** I will tell you that an update about how we are growing our family will come soon, I promise. 

*** School is still going fabulous. We are settling into a schedule, which is so nice. 

*** Dru and I are leading a marriage small group this semester, which is too fun. We are doing a curriculum called, Love & Respect. HIGHLY recommend it! 

*** My sister, bro-in-law, and sweet baby niece are doing fabulous. Their church launched last month. It is growing and doing great. 

*** Pumpkin spice lattes have made their appearance at Starbucks. I basically can't contain my excitement. 

*** I am reading a new book, You Are Not What You Weigh, pretty sure it's legit, but will definitely write when I finish it. 

*** Dru and I are still moving in the direction of organic, non processed eating. Proving to be difficult now that school is back in, but we are definitely doing our best. 

I think that it for now.... Catch you on the flip side :) 

Much love! 

KB

casting your cares

Took this tonight after my run tonight. I have had a few rough days, so I'm kinda digging myself back out of those thoughts of... why me? when is it my turn? where are my babies? when will they be in my arms? when will I get to prepare a nursery for our babies? 

All of these questions have been plaguing my mind. I just laid in the bed last night with tears just streaming down my face, thinking about my babies that WILL someday be in my arms. 

Somehow. 

Someway. 

They will get to us. 

They will be ours. 

And boy, will we love them! 

It's going to be so sweet, because of this journey that we've been on, when we are finally holding what we've prayed for for so long. 

I do know this, God is faithful. He has always been and He will always be. I have definitely learned how to cast my cares. I did it this morning, otherwise, I would have cried today at school and we just can't have any of that. 

I called out to Him and He answered. 

He took away my pain. 

That's the kind of God that I serve. 

Gonna rest tonight knowing who holds my heart and future. 

so grateful. 

KB 

oh, hey there!

School is here. And I've been a busy little bee getting ready for my new school babies. I wanted to share some pictures of my classroom and a few things that we've been up to. If you follow me on instagram then you have probably seen the pics. {I think I might have a picture taking problem, oh well.} 

my desk at the beginning of the day and then after. ha! 

favorite travel mug. perfect. 

 grabbin' coffee after school, otherwise I wouldn't have made it to dinner. 

got this idea from a blog that I follow. the kids loved doing it! very excited about starting our interactive math notebooks this year! 

new behavior chart for this year! hopefully I like it better than last year's. 

new planner :))) 

meet the teacher day! got to meet my kiddos! 

As far as Birkeland babies go.. We are still in midst of praying about what's next. George actually showed up on Thursday, but this cycle I have done a few things different. As most of you know, my periods normally kick my booty... sometimes it hurts to walk... I know, ridiculous. This time though, I have only taken motrin a couple of times. {We are trying to rid our lives of harmful toxins, plastics, and antibiotics, etc. Check out the healthy changes label for more info!} I have also been using the essential oil, Solace. I'm pretty sure between the oil, chiropractor visits, and taking HOT baths, the pain has backed off. Y'all don't even know how amazing this is for me. It is certainly life changing. 

I also found out yesterday that a sweet sweet friend of mine that I've known for a very long time is pregnant with a miracle baby. She has suffered many losses and this is certainly her miracle. She conceived naturally without help from medicine or procedures. She and many other friends of mine have mentioned a book called "Supernatural Childbirth"... I started reading it last night and I am almost finished with it. I am blown away by the power of scripture and the fear that we think we just have to live in. THIS IS NOT BIBLICAL. We are suppose to be able to conceive a healthy baby, have a ill free pregnancy, and get this... a pain free delivery. These are things that I will be praying over myself until I have peace about moving on to other options. We are called to pray for what we've been told is impossible or that it might just not happen. 

I encourage you to check this book out, even if you aren't ready to become a mom quite yet. It's extremely eyeopening and empowering. 

Happy Saturday & as always, thanks for reading! 

KB

with my whole heart

Yes, Lord... I do! With my whole heart. With everything that is in me. I am trusting and leaning on your Word and strength. 

I have been thinking so much about trust lately. The Lord has really been confirming in my heart that we are on the "right" track. That is such an amazing feeling considering where we've been over the past three years. I told a friend earlier today that I am so overwhelmed with peace right now, more than ever. And I'm beyond grateful for this peace. 

I also don't think I've ever been called before in my life to trust God like I'm being asked to right now. When you have a "plan" for your life and it doesn't go the way you envisioned it, then one of two things happen... you take things into your own hands and hope things turn out okay OR you listen to the Holy Spirit, rely on Him, and trust that His plan is the best. 

Don't know about you, but I'm going with the 2nd option. 

So, once again, He is continuing to speak to me and assure me that He is with me. Every step of this journey. 

I challenge you, wherever you are in your journey, to drop everything and just do a heart check. Make sure you are in the center of God's Will, doing what He would have you do. I'll tell ya, a sure sign that you are is there is a peace that passes all understanding... 

Get it now, it will rock your world. 

Happy Saturday night to each of you. 

Get your booty to church tomorrow and worship the One who saved us! 

Much love, 

KB

expectant heart

Over the past few months {really much longer than that, but it's just now coming into focus} the Lord has been working on our hearts. He is bringing our dreams together, making them one. More on that later. 

I am just so in awe of how much love is around us and how blessed we are. I have said over and over again that I am focusing on the 99%. I am determined to not live my life based on the 1% of my life that "isn't what I dreamed it would be". That is not how the Lord wants us to live. He wants us to glorify Him in everything, in every situation. That is one of the thousands of things the Lord is teaching me on this journey.  

Another something that has blown me away is my sweet husband. He is legit, y'all. He amazes me everyday and is such a blessing to me. I am so thankful that he is mine. We are continuing to pray and seek right now for what is next for our family. I will update the blog world when the time comes, but please join us in prayer for wisdom and guidance. The Holy Spirit will guide you on how to pray, yeah, that's awesome. I serve an amazing God. 

Happy Sunday to each of you! 

I pray the Lord brings peace to your hearts today. 

Rest in Him. 

Love, 

KB 

exodus 23:26

A sweet & amazing woman of God at my church prayed this verse over me at a meeting one night. I haven't forgotten it and I continue to pray it over myself. 

Those of you who are struggling with infertility & Jesus is you Savior, please find rest and hope in this verse! 

He is ALL we need. 

Happy Thursday!! 

KB

being thankful in everything

Today, once again, Jesus Calling was right on. It's kinda crazy how every day I read this and it just slaps me in the face. Today was no exception. 

June 22: Jesus Calling

THANK ME for the very things that are troubling you. You are on the brink of rebellion, precariously close to shaking your fist in My Face. You are tempted to indulge in just a little complaining about My treatment of you. But once you step over that line, torrents of rage and self-pity can sweep you away. The best protection again this indulgence is thanksgiving. It is impossible to thank Me and curse Me at the same time.

Thanking Me for trials will feel awkward and contrived at first. But if you persist, your thankful words, prayed in faith, will eventually make a difference in your heart. Thankfulness awakens you to My Presence, which overshadows all your problems.

Philippians 4:4-6 (The Message) 

^4-5 Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you’re on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!

^6-7 Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Psalm 116:17 (NKJV)

I will offer to You the sacrifice of thanksgiving, And will call upon the name of the Lord.

*********************************************************************************

Awesome, huh?

And did I mention that signs of George approaching are here... which puts me in the throws of self-pity and anger. The Lord knew how much I need to hear this from Him and exactly how to speak to me. 

I think it's safe to say that the "thing that is troubling me" is the fact the Dru and I do not have a baby and have been trying for a long time. I was extremely challenged when I read this devo this morning, because I realized that if I didn't start thanking the Lord now that I would definitely sink down into the depths of the craziness that is self-pity. And that means that I would be missing out on the life that I'm living right now because I would be so concerned about what I don't have in my life. It got me thinking about the things that I am grateful for... here's my list. I'm sure it could go on for pages and pages. I'm blessed beyond comprehension. 

So, today, I am thankful...

I am thankful that the Lord is allowing us to walk through this trial together. 

I am thankful that He is continuing to write our story, no one else's. 

I am thankful for my family and friends that care so deeply for us. 

I am thankful for the opportunities that I have had to talk about how faithful the Lord is and how He is sustaining us. 

I am thankful that the Lord continues to show His faithfulness through our finances, our marriage, and our friends & family. 

It's really hard to think about what you don't have when you thank Him for what you do have. You should totally try it, dare ya :) 

I hope this encourages you and speaks to you as strongly as it did me. No matter what trial you are currently walking through, the Lord is there. He is within reach. Thank Him today for what He has done. 

Happy Saturday night!

KB

Sit & Listen

I know I've said that we are definitely on a break from meds/procedures and not really sure we will go back to them (ever)... but I really needed the Lord to reassure me that I was hearing correctly. I wouldn't want to miss anything that He has to say regarding this or anything else for that matter...

Cue Sunday morning at church:

I know I've said it over and over again, but I feel the Lord moving and stirring my spirit more than I have in a long time. (I'm so grateful for this.) Yesterday's message really was just what pushed me over the edge (in a good way) to seek the Lord more than ever.

Along with the message yesterday, I've decided to not get out of the bed until I've sat and talked to Jesus. I just need to SIT in His presence and listen.

This morning I read from my Jesus Calling devo and whoa. I had tears in my eyes as I read. The title was "Rest in Me, My Child"... that pretty much sums it up. I didn't really need to read it, that confirmed our decision to not plan meds or procedures and just rest.

Here is what's been going on in my heart:

If I'm being completely honest I jumped into the procedures without hearing the words "go ahead" from the Lord. Not a good plan, people. And since one of the reasons I went on a break in the first place was to clear my mind, body, and soul; I knew that hearing the Lord loud and clear again was at the tip top of my list of things that I wanted to happen over the past month. I needed to get rid of everything pulling at me and just rest in Him. While I know that I did that, school is something that was pulling at me. Another thing that was pulling at me was the fact that I was literally carrying around 30 extra pounds, which was definitely bringin' me down (figuratively and literally!) Dru and I also needed to reconnect on many levels and recover from the past three months of complete exhaustion.

Now that over a month has past since I said goodbye to many things holding me down... I'm extremely proud to say that I've lost 18 pounds and on my way to losing the other 12 and it's summertime, which you know. I feel so much lighter, in more ways than one, and I also feel more like myself than I have in months.

And while those things are fabulous, over the past few days, I am continuing to feel that stirring. I have felt that tug on my heart. (You people that have a relationship with Him know exactly what I'm talking about.) He is so gentle, and all He wants is for His children to sit at His feet and spend some time with Him. I am there, friends. I am at His feet.

He is drawing me near and I am listening.

I am in Love with my Savior.

Sweet Summertime!

Hellllloooo frannnnds!!!

I have missed writing... but boy have I had a refreshing month! The month of May brought a lot of relaxation and reflection for both Dru and me. I truly believe the Lord lead me to this point for a reason and that a break was definitely a must! I also believe that I needed to go through the last 7 months (more like 4 years) to get to where I am right now and that is a place of peace and contentment. 

That could mean a lot of things, but for me it means that I am satisfied where the Lord has me and satisfied with what He has given me. 

Dru and I have decided that for now, we will not be doing any procedures or medicine to try to conceive. We will continue to seek the Lord and wait to hear His voice. Where He leads, we will follow. 

I want to say another thank you to those of you praying for us, for the letters and cards we receive in the mail, the texts, the emails.... it is just so amazing how the Lord is revealing Himself through all of the people close to me. I am just simply in awe of Him. 

I will continue to write, but I will probably be drifting away from infertility/baby making related things. 

Please continue to read because the Lord is about to do something awesome! 

Ohhh just wait.... 

It's going to be unbelievable and amazing!  

I can't wait to share our story, the one He has already written just for us. 

Much love to each of you, 

KB

Overwhelming peace

The Lord is at work, my friends. Just over the past few days, I've felt this wave of peace fall over my heart and mind. I am oh-so grateful. The Lord is here. He is with me. I feel Him. 

I've decided that the month of May is going to be set aside for refreshing my mind, body, and soul. I know that sounds so cheesy, but it's exactly what I need. 

I've decided to step away from social media, including blogging. I am also going on a pretty intense diet, which will awake my heart to earn for Jesus and only Him.

I will, however, still be checking my email. My email address is kaileyabirkeland@gmail.com if you would like to contact me. I would love to hear from you. If you are struggling with infertility and you have something you would like for me to pray for specifically, PLEASE email me. I will add you to my list :) 

I mean it will ALL my heart....THANK YOU for your prayers and support :) 

Love you all! 

KB

HIS plan, not mine

Hello there!

Can I just say how excited I am that we made this decision to take a break? Literally just the past three days have made a huge difference in my heart and mind. Dru and I have decided to take May & June off of procedures and meds. I think it's honestly the really really good decision for us right now. I actually cancelled my appt set for tomorrow. I really don't even want a plan.... yes, you read that right... Kailey doesn't want a plan? Ha! I know, what is wrong with me? I'll tell you what's wrong with me....The Lord is drawing me near to Him. He is speaking more and more to me about relying on Him during this season and following His plan, not mine. I am going to be taking a hiatus from blogging amongst other social media things the month of May. Also, during the month of May I will be doing a weight loss program called, Medifast. I am so very excited to get my body back to the way it's suppose to look... BHAHAHAHA! It's been a while, my friends, it's been a while. But, it's time to get it together, especially since our fam beach trip is coming up. I also just want to feel good again. 

I will leave you with ways that you can pray for Dru and me over the next month or so. 

Thank you so much for hanging in there with us during the very trying and difficult season.

Please pray that I/we would:  

• Draw near to the Lord during this time and to each other. 
• Be able to hear the Lord's voice very clearly. 
• Have clear direction as to what is next in this journey. 
• Discipline ourselves to dive into His Word and trust Him. 
• Discipline myself to lose weight and feel good again. 
• Be satisfied in our love for each other and our family of 2.
• Be REFRESHED!! 

Much love to each of you! Have a fabulous Sunday! :) 

KB

and.... BREAK!

 I got a much needed mani/pedi this afternoon.... LOVE the new colors! :) #veryrelaxing #neededthat

 And now the disappointing news. IUI #3 did not work. I'm not pregnant, again. Bummer, I know. Myself, along with many others, really thought this was it. It's so difficult to NOT think it's not it. 

I found this quote somewhere on Instagram. It is so very important to me that I try my very best to keep this type of attitude. A thankful attitude. Am I going to be sad? Yes. 

Am I going to be disappointed? Most definitely. 

Am I going to cry? Oh yes. 

BUT!

Is God still God? YES!

Is He still in control? YES!

Does He only want the best for me? YES! 

That is what I'm going to focus on. 

If God has said, "No" to you, THANK HIM! He wants nothing but the BEST for his kids! 

What's next, you ask... 

Like I said before, Dru and I are definitely taking a break this cycle, maybe even two cycles. We have an appt with our RE for Monday, April 29th. We can either go ahead with the appt or wait until about 2 weeks before we want to start meds/procedures again. I think we will probably go ahead and meet this Monday to get a plan for the next time we dive in. 

My RE called today and because of my progesterone levels, he wants to double my dosage of clomid next time from 50mg to 100mg. That means I would be taking two a day. I am thinking that we will figure out how much insurance will cover with the injectables and then go from there. My nurse said that without insurance they are around $1,500. Needless to say, if insurance doesn't cover them, we will need to save up for them. 

We are taking this break for many reasons. 

I love a list, so here it goes. 

1. My body needs some time to get back to normal. 

2. I need to lose weight; it's gotten out of control. 

3. I am emotionally drained. 

4. I need to refocus my heart and my attention on Jesus.

5. May is going to be cray-cray {in a good way!} We've got tons of stuff going on! 

I will most likely be stepping away from social media amongst other things to get refocused, but I'll be figuring that out over the next few days. I need to spend some time with Jesus and just be near Him. I need Him. period. 

Thanks for reading this really long post. You people rock. 

KB

fifteen smifteen

I got my progesterone results this afternoon. It was 7.66, which made me question my nurse. She was very reassuring that I did ovulate. She said even though my RE says it needs to be a 15, she said that anything above a 5 means ovulation. 

Of course, after I got off the phone, I almost broke down into tears, BUT... then I heard the Holy Spirit speak directly to my heart....

GOD IS BIGGER. 

PERIOD. 

I'll end with that 

{because nothing else really matters!}

Weekend, 5dpiui, & TMI

What a fabulous, fun, and busy weekend! It all started with spending time with none other than Miss Brooklyn Chase! Boy, do I LOVE that child. Here she is reading. The child LOVES books, I mean, LOVES!

 

 

Here we are taking a sweet little nap... oh sweet cuddles. I could just eat her up!

 

 Random highlight: My Mom drove my car to run some errands and filled my tank up! She bascially rocks.

 

 

Something fun! I helped host a couple shower for two of our closest friends that are getting married May 24th. Dru is singing, I am a bridesmaid, my dad is officiating, and my mom is directing. Needless to say, we are all very involved :) Saturday night was so much fun. I tried to snap some pictures of the decor, food, and the guests! Oh, wedding season, you are officially here.

 

Now, on to the TMI...

that's your warning. Don't continue reading if you don't want to know some

not-so-appealing things about me.

 

I have had sore boobs since the day after my IUI, there I said it. I normally have sore boobs a couple of days before George starts, but that's it. The past two IUI/clomid cycles have not included the whole sore boobs thing. I also have been dizzy too. The other day at school I almost fell over. My poor schools babies were like, "Mrs. B, are YOU okay?!" So concerned. But then they laughed after I was okay :) Oh, I love them so.

 

I am also keeping myself distracted.

*See above*

I had to look and see how many dp I was! This is weird for me. I'm normally disturbingly aware of what CD I am and how many dpo/dpiui I am. I really feel as though the Lord is blessing me by allowing me to focus on other important things. I am very grateful. I have so many blessings in my life that need and deserve my attention. TTC should not consume everything about my life, but I'm ashamed to say, it does. I'm working, people. I'm working.

 

Now, to go finish washing clothes... Happy Sunday everyone! I hope everyone is taking some time to relax, spend time with Jesus, and your families.

 

Much love!

KB

 



And the TWW begins...

I had every intention of posting last night, but I was too busy hanging with a sweet friend! I was able to snap a few shots to document my day, which started well, got a little rocky, but ended extremely well! :) 

It all started on the ride there when I received a call that my fav nurse called in and said she wasn't going to make it! I was not a happy camper, but like most of the time, my amazing hubs calmed me down. 

This song came on Pandora while I was driving and I just started crying. Even in the middle of all my doubt and confusion the Lord is THERE. He is in the midst of all this pain and hurt. He is helping me a long and speaking truth to me the entire time. I just have to listen. That's sometimes the hard part. I don't know why, but it's easier for some reason to listen and believe the negative stuff. Add this to the list of things I'm working on :) 

I also got sweet texts throughout the day, along with encouraging quotes and verses! Y'all are legit. 

This would be my hubs. He was saying that he didn't want to smile. Well too bad, crazy pants, I'm taking your picture! :) 

Here we go! IUI #3... Hopefully, three's a charm :) 

After the IUI, I met of with my sweet friend, Nikki. We actually went to elementary school together, but reconnected like 5 years ago. The Lord has brought us really close because of the journey that we share. So thankful for her. 

That's it. It was a pretty awesome day. I am busy finding distractions for the next two weeks. I'm planning a shower this weekend and going to a wedding next weekend, so hopefully that will do the trick! {YEAH, RIGHT!!!} 

Holler at ya.

KB

Game on!

I got a smiley face today at 11 a.m. and my IUI is scheduled for 8 a.m. in the morning. Dru is in another city so we are meeting in Birmingham. HA! That just cracks me up... I mean, really? I should write a book! 

I am OH so hopeful and very excited. I talked with the receptionist today and requested the nurse that I had the first time because I didn't have such a great experience last time. She texted me and said that she WILL be there! YAY! I also am having major ovulation pain, which I was assured was a GOOD thing. 

I am obviously taking off work tomorrow, but will head back in teach my school babies on Wednesday. I will head back after the procedure and take it easy the rest of the day and night. 

Even though I'm so hopeful that this IUI results in a baby, my HOPE is in Jesus. That's all the Lord is asking of me! 

Keep Hoping & prayers appreciated! 

KB

12,000... Do whaaaat???

Yes, my blog has had over 12,000 views. I'm in shock. I am so honored that so many people are reading about our journey {and our lives}. When I started blogging about our journey in January, I only had like 15 followers and about 1,000 page views. HA! That's so amazing. 

I seriously can't say it enough, thank you. Thank you for the prayers, texts, and comments! 

Now, for an update: 

I am on CD 16 and I haven't seen a smiley face yet. I was predicting I'd see it today, but I did not. I had everything ready for a sub tomorrow, too. Oh well. Tomorrow will be CD 17, which is the cycle day I got a smiley face for our first IUI cycle. 

I am, of course, very cautious about getting my hopes up. I was reading the blog of a fellow infertility blogger and she mentioned that it's so difficult to be hopeful yet, realistic. You just don't want your hopes to be crushed again. 

Once again, I have HOPE even if there's not a baby in my belly. I am challenged every day to remember this and stand on that HOPE. 

Thanks for reading and I hope you have a fabulous week! 

KB

Let Hope In.

A sweet friend of mine sent both of these videos to me last week. Wow. That's all I can say. I've listened to it over over and over again. The first video is the actual song, the second video is the story behind the song. 

The couple that wrote the song are "friends of a friend" and I am so very excited about sharing this song with others. 

Yes, we all know that this song speaks to me because of what I'm going through, but this can apply to ANY thing that you are believing God for. The Lord wants you to HOPE with all your heart and to lean on Him. He is going to pull us through to the the other side! Psalm 37:4 is my favorite verse and I will continue to meditate on it and believe it. The Lord did not give the desire to me to have children to not bless me with them. I am choosing to LET HOPE IN! That's all He is asking me to do....(and YOU!!!) 

Have a great night :)

KB

promised update

Hey frands!!! 

I hope all is well with everyone and that your Monday was a great start to the work week! I was very pleasantly surprised at how well my day went considering that my school babies haven't used their brains in a week! Ha! They seemed to be happy to be back, but not so happy about TEST PREP! Sorry, guys, that's just part of life :) 

Okay, so back to the most important topic: I want a baby in my belly. Me? Yes! I know you're shocked! 

I am CD 10 which means I started testing using the OPKs today! {I seriously should buy stock in this crap.} I gave my RE's office a call to let them know that I started testing... Homegirl was like... "Did you pick up your OPKs? Make sure you test between 11 and 2..." Honey, I got this! Third time is a charm :) 

Prayer request: Two cycles ago I got a smiley face on CD 17, last cycle it was CD 15, so there's really no way to predict the exact date. That being said, I really need some prayers that I would see a smiley on Friday or Sunday, NOT SATURDAY! I mean, ya know, my husband kinda needs to be at church on Sunday.. he's kinda a big deal :) I know I will be totally fine in the long run if we do not get to do the IUI, but I really don't want the clomid to have been for nothing. 

Speaking of clomid... Can you say... HOT FLASHES!!!! I am having hot flashes like every 15 to 20 minutes. It seriously feels like I am at the beach and it's 100 degrees!!! I didn't experience them the previous cycles, so this is a little unusual for me. Plus, I am already pretty hot natured. Oh well. 

This e-card should make you laugh, I certainly did.

In other news... Dru and I have decided to take a break next month before we start the injectables, which I am very excited about. My body needs a bit of a break. The clomid is really kicking my booty, BUT don't get me wrong, it's definitely worth it for a sweet baby! {Hopefully we will be preg this time & we won't have to worry about it, but ya know, Kailey has gotta have a plan.} 

Well, here's to another cycle. 

Have a happy Tuesday! 

KB

Whomp Whomp

Well, there's not a baby in my belly this cycle. I'm in a lot of pain physically and emotionally. I start clomid for the third and final time tomorrow. I'll update after spring break. I'm taking a break from blogging for a little bit. 

Thanks in advance for all the prayers for us. We appreciate it so much. 

KB