and.... BREAK!

 I got a much needed mani/pedi this afternoon.... LOVE the new colors! :) #veryrelaxing #neededthat

 And now the disappointing news. IUI #3 did not work. I'm not pregnant, again. Bummer, I know. Myself, along with many others, really thought this was it. It's so difficult to NOT think it's not it. 

I found this quote somewhere on Instagram. It is so very important to me that I try my very best to keep this type of attitude. A thankful attitude. Am I going to be sad? Yes. 

Am I going to be disappointed? Most definitely. 

Am I going to cry? Oh yes. 

BUT!

Is God still God? YES!

Is He still in control? YES!

Does He only want the best for me? YES! 

That is what I'm going to focus on. 

If God has said, "No" to you, THANK HIM! He wants nothing but the BEST for his kids! 

What's next, you ask... 

Like I said before, Dru and I are definitely taking a break this cycle, maybe even two cycles. We have an appt with our RE for Monday, April 29th. We can either go ahead with the appt or wait until about 2 weeks before we want to start meds/procedures again. I think we will probably go ahead and meet this Monday to get a plan for the next time we dive in. 

My RE called today and because of my progesterone levels, he wants to double my dosage of clomid next time from 50mg to 100mg. That means I would be taking two a day. I am thinking that we will figure out how much insurance will cover with the injectables and then go from there. My nurse said that without insurance they are around $1,500. Needless to say, if insurance doesn't cover them, we will need to save up for them. 

We are taking this break for many reasons. 

I love a list, so here it goes. 

1. My body needs some time to get back to normal. 

2. I need to lose weight; it's gotten out of control. 

3. I am emotionally drained. 

4. I need to refocus my heart and my attention on Jesus.

5. May is going to be cray-cray {in a good way!} We've got tons of stuff going on! 

I will most likely be stepping away from social media amongst other things to get refocused, but I'll be figuring that out over the next few days. I need to spend some time with Jesus and just be near Him. I need Him. period. 

Thanks for reading this really long post. You people rock. 

KB

fifteen smifteen

I got my progesterone results this afternoon. It was 7.66, which made me question my nurse. She was very reassuring that I did ovulate. She said even though my RE says it needs to be a 15, she said that anything above a 5 means ovulation. 

Of course, after I got off the phone, I almost broke down into tears, BUT... then I heard the Holy Spirit speak directly to my heart....

GOD IS BIGGER. 

PERIOD. 

I'll end with that 

{because nothing else really matters!}

Weekend, 5dpiui, & TMI

What a fabulous, fun, and busy weekend! It all started with spending time with none other than Miss Brooklyn Chase! Boy, do I LOVE that child. Here she is reading. The child LOVES books, I mean, LOVES!

 

 

Here we are taking a sweet little nap... oh sweet cuddles. I could just eat her up!

 

 Random highlight: My Mom drove my car to run some errands and filled my tank up! She bascially rocks.

 

 

Something fun! I helped host a couple shower for two of our closest friends that are getting married May 24th. Dru is singing, I am a bridesmaid, my dad is officiating, and my mom is directing. Needless to say, we are all very involved :) Saturday night was so much fun. I tried to snap some pictures of the decor, food, and the guests! Oh, wedding season, you are officially here.

 

Now, on to the TMI...

that's your warning. Don't continue reading if you don't want to know some

not-so-appealing things about me.

 

I have had sore boobs since the day after my IUI, there I said it. I normally have sore boobs a couple of days before George starts, but that's it. The past two IUI/clomid cycles have not included the whole sore boobs thing. I also have been dizzy too. The other day at school I almost fell over. My poor schools babies were like, "Mrs. B, are YOU okay?!" So concerned. But then they laughed after I was okay :) Oh, I love them so.

 

I am also keeping myself distracted.

*See above*

I had to look and see how many dp I was! This is weird for me. I'm normally disturbingly aware of what CD I am and how many dpo/dpiui I am. I really feel as though the Lord is blessing me by allowing me to focus on other important things. I am very grateful. I have so many blessings in my life that need and deserve my attention. TTC should not consume everything about my life, but I'm ashamed to say, it does. I'm working, people. I'm working.

 

Now, to go finish washing clothes... Happy Sunday everyone! I hope everyone is taking some time to relax, spend time with Jesus, and your families.

 

Much love!

KB

 



And the TWW begins...

I had every intention of posting last night, but I was too busy hanging with a sweet friend! I was able to snap a few shots to document my day, which started well, got a little rocky, but ended extremely well! :) 

It all started on the ride there when I received a call that my fav nurse called in and said she wasn't going to make it! I was not a happy camper, but like most of the time, my amazing hubs calmed me down. 

This song came on Pandora while I was driving and I just started crying. Even in the middle of all my doubt and confusion the Lord is THERE. He is in the midst of all this pain and hurt. He is helping me a long and speaking truth to me the entire time. I just have to listen. That's sometimes the hard part. I don't know why, but it's easier for some reason to listen and believe the negative stuff. Add this to the list of things I'm working on :) 

I also got sweet texts throughout the day, along with encouraging quotes and verses! Y'all are legit. 

This would be my hubs. He was saying that he didn't want to smile. Well too bad, crazy pants, I'm taking your picture! :) 

Here we go! IUI #3... Hopefully, three's a charm :) 

After the IUI, I met of with my sweet friend, Nikki. We actually went to elementary school together, but reconnected like 5 years ago. The Lord has brought us really close because of the journey that we share. So thankful for her. 

That's it. It was a pretty awesome day. I am busy finding distractions for the next two weeks. I'm planning a shower this weekend and going to a wedding next weekend, so hopefully that will do the trick! {YEAH, RIGHT!!!} 

Holler at ya.

KB

Round 2: Progesterone results

My OB nurse called yesterday and my RE nurse called today :) (Feeling loved!) They both sounded very excited to tell me my results...

My progesterone was at a 15.9, which is a great number! My RE said that we should see at least a 15, especially taking clomid. My RE nurse said that I can test this Friday. For the first time, in over a year, I actually want to take a pregnancy test. I bought some tests today and I feel like they are over there laughing at me. I'll do my best to wait until Friday, but I might not make it. Either way, pregnant or not, I probably won't blog for a little while. I am on spring break next week and I'm thinking about taking a bit of a break from media. 

Much love to each of you! Have a great night :) 

KB

Whirlwind

Most of this infertility stuff will throw "your" plans off track. Needless to say, it kinda takes a front seat to pretty much everything else. 

{Not complaining, that's just fact!} With that being said, Friday was a little crazy.

I went in to my OB's office at 8 a.m. on Friday {3-15-13} to get my blood taken to test my progesterone level. My sweet friend {& a 4th grade teacher} was able to get my kids and start Math until I could get back to the school. She has an intern, which is a total blessing considering that I had to go between 8 and 12. So blessed by my co-workers. They are truly a blessing to me everyday. 

I will give my OB's office a call on Monday to request that my results be sent to my RE immediately. Of course, I would also like to know them :) 

I also keep forgetting to ask about my AMH test results. I'm hoping that since I haven't heard from them they are normal, but unfortunately, that might not be the case. 

Here are my stats! :) 

CD 23

8DPO

7DPIUI

According to my ever-so-awesome app, George is not expected for another 9 days. I have a feeling that if he is coming, it will be before the 9 day mark. Once again, I will not test, I will just wait it out. We shall see! 

It's gorgeous in Auburn, AL today! Go outside and get you some vitamin D! :)

KB

Don't Stop....

BELIEVING!!! 

Not only is that a very appropriate song for this time in my life, but it's a song that my Dad and I have always loved. We are big Journey fans!!!

I've had these diapers for a while now. I'm 13dpiui and definitely could take a test. I just can't bring myself to do it. This is wayyy TMI, but I've had diarrhea and headaches for 2 days now. I didn't go to school today. I didn't think it would be beneficial to be there if I was going to stay in the bathroom all day. My kids would be hanging from the ceiling :)) 

I did some google reading (I know, bad idea) but it does say that some women experience diarrhea opposed to constipation. Headaches are also common, but I always have headaches! 

Well... here's to more waiting! Have a great night!

KB

Progesterone Results

Update... GO! 

I called to see if my lab results were in around 3:30, but of course, the nurse was busy so I had to wait to hear back. (Not hating, but I really wanted to know the results!) 

She called back around 5:00 and explained that my OB would have to call me back and explain the other results besides the progesterone. I'm not exactly sure what else they tested, I guess I'll find out tomorrow. 

She told me that my progesterone level was at 4.54, but they wanted it to be a 5. I was totally bummed as soon as I heard that, but she was pretty sure that if I would have gotten the test done last Friday, then it would have shone I did ovulate. I asked if this was related to pregnancy and she said no. That comforted me a little because I was hoping to hear a really high number because that's what I thought it was suppose to be. 

I guess I'll hear from my OB tomorrow and chat with him a little bit. I'll update about those results if it's important enough :) 

I'm pretty sure I've decided to just wait on George and not test. My next RE appt is Monday. If George has not ruined my life, I will take a test when I'm there, but if he did come, then we will plan what's happening on the next cycle. 

Happy Tuesday :) 

****SARA: I do not know how to reply to the comments :) And yes, calling it George is something that I've done since high school. My sweet awesome best friend from high school called it that, so I started calling it that too! :) 

I do not know about increasing or adding progesterone. Why would I have that done? 

fail.

The progesterone test was suppose to happen on Friday, but it didn't because my doc's office was closed. I obviously knew this at some point, but it didn't click that I might need to leave school before 12:00 to get it done. So, needless to say, I spent most of the afternoon very sad about the fact that I missed a blood test I was suppose to have. (Side-note: I'm a rule follower!) I was not a happy camper knowing that I didn't do what I needed to do. I left a message at my RE's office, so I'll hear from them tomorrow. I guess they will let me know if I need to go ahead and get the blood test even though it's not on the "right" day. 

I am now 10dpiui and 11dpo, so now I am just waiting on George. I have had a little cramping and funny pains near ovaries and uterus. I have these pains before George comes, so I can't tell if they point towards pregnancy or not. Only time will tell. I'm gonna try to wait until Saturday to test, don't know if I'll be able to though. Prayers for patience and peace appreciated. 

Much love, 

KB

I'd be lying if...

I said I wasn't extremely hopeful that this actually works the FIRST TIME! I am 4dpo and I keep hoping to see signs of pregnancy. (I know this is crazy, I mean... really... I do not believe even if I was pregnant, that I would have symptoms now!!) I am feeling great overall though. I still can't get over how not painful the IUI was... I was just expecting something completely different. 

I am looking forward to my progesterone test on Friday, but I will definitely not be getting my hopes up by way of that test alone. (I've been warned!) 

I've read that if it is not high that they will give me supplements (??). I could be totally wrong about this. I probably will not be able to wait all the way to next Saturday to test. 

I'll update after my blood test on Friday. 

I hope everyone had a great Monday. Thanks for reading :) 

And now we wait....

Hi there friends! So today, as you know, was IUI day! Now, I will recap what the day was like because it was so awesome that I feel you need to know all the fabulous details. 

My appt was scheduled for 9:30, so we grabbed some breakfast at CFA around 7:00 and got on the road, Jack! 

Very unlike my husband, but we didn't listen to music the whole time. We caught up on life, what we were feeling, and talked about the future a little bit. It was really nice and refreshing. 

I've read a ton of blogs and listen to experiences others have had with IUIs so I had some expectations, but I also didn't know if my doc would do things a little differently. 

We went directly back to the lab, of course, they took more of my blood and the husb did his part (ya know what I mean, so I'm not going to in to details). They told us it would take about 1 hour to "wash" them up, so we took off! 

Where else? A coffee shop! Our friend is opening a new coffee shop up there in about a week, so we went to check it out. He also made us a little latte, which was delish! 

We got back to the doc office and waited for a little bit. At this point, I was feeling very anxious, because I didn't know how it was going to feel... was it going to hurt? would it be like a pinch? would it not hurt at all? Ah! I was like just do it already! 

Then... A woman walks in... I was thinking.. Uh... where's my doctor?? She seemed to know what she was doing so I just rolled with it. At first, I thought the doc would come in a little bit, but that didn't happen. She told showed up the sperm and they were PINK.. of course, she said, well that means that y'all are gonna have a girl... we looked at each like... um what are you talking about? It was a good time. She said the the sperm count was awesome..wayyy over the "normal" number. I definitely gave the husb a fist bump at this point. Way to go, baby! HA! She also said my CM was lookin' good. 

Then, we got started. We were all talking and next thing I knew, she was done! Didn't feel a thing! Easy peasy! I laid there for about 15 min (just to be on the safe side). She said to go about my normal routine and I was thinking.. Are you sure? Don't I need to lay on my back for the next two weeks??? I just feel like I shouldn't do anything until I'm able to take a test. Maybe I'll just stay home all week :) 

I did lay down in the backseat, just to give the spermies some extra help. :) 

I'm feeling really good, but I do feel some cramping. I have all sorts of emotions going on. I do know that there is a chance that this will not work, and it's hard to be extremely excited (but I sooo am!!) 

I am so painfully aware of how far we've come and what it could take to become pregnant. This is going to the longest 2 weeks of my LIFE! I've been through this wait 24+ times, but I've never had a reason to believe it would actually work. So, here's to waiting. Cheers. 

And for your half time entertainment... some pictures. 

 My super fine husb! 

Delish coffee! 

laying down in the back seat :) 

2013, let's do this! 

#believe #hopeful #pleaseLord

Have a great weekend! :)